Another Blog, Another Site Title

To most people in the world, family is a big part of life. There are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, reunions, events, and social obligations. They are people that will always be there. Even if you don’t spend a lot of time with them, they are on each other’s mind first and foremost. They can be targets of praise, excitement, stress, and hatred. But they are always there, lurking in the back of your mind.

My father was an only child, my mother had two brothers, and they both have passed at a relatively young age. Grandparents have long gone, and my father passed away 8 years ago. My mother and I have become closer, but have also taken our own intellectual journeys since then. What truly makes us feel complete in life is drastically different.

My mother wants someone to talk to — rather, someone to talk AT — and someone to share her joys and hobbies with. However, I grew in a direction of self actualization. I want to feel like I am achieving my goals, whether or not anyone appreciates or even understands them. To me, sitting, relaxing, and talking about nothing (small talk and gossip) for hours feels like a waste of life. I would rather be alone, working on projects to accomplish my supposed “dreams”.

One thing that we both have in common is the desire to host events. We love having others come by, especially on holidays. However, those that come by are always close friends, not family. Without family, those friends – closest to us that share similar mindsets and values – challenge us, while simultaneously making us feel comfortable with our existence. Those are our family. We think of those first, and will always be there to help them in times of need. This is very different from the initial thought where only true family has this natural bond – but we have no choice.

It has always been understandable but no less disappointing when those I consider “family” are not able to spend those most special days with me because they are with their families. We end up going into “backup” mode, and try to find others to fill that void. Therefore, we end up spending time with that acquaintance who is estranged from their family, whether or not we truly feel a connection with them.

The reality is that no matter how close of a friend you have, if they are immersed in a true family, you will never be number one on their mind. The journey I am taking is to accept that – this requires me speaking it out loud to them in a way that does not evoke self-pity, but unwavering strength. I need to embrace that they will never hold the value for me that I hold for them. That is okay – that shouldn’t prevent me from still being there for them all the time. I need to continue to be thankful to have them in my life at all. And I need to channel that strength to achieve my goals.

I hope that others can gain inspiration from this, and I know that there are many out there that are struggling with much more disruptive difficulties than this! May we become like family for each other.